Faith, hope and charity

Overheard on the radio today:   "Faith-filled words produce faith, fear-filled words produce fear".   While driving along quiet country roads in Massachusetts and New York State, I found myself reflecting not only on these words but also the values to which I originally dedicated this blog:  faith, hope and charity. 

Faith is defined by the Oxford English Dictionary as "complete trust and confidence in somebody or something".   Hope is "a feeling of trust, or an expectation and desire for something particular to happen".  Finally, charity is "love of humankind". 

During the uncertainties of life, especially when there is no clear solution, as is often the case with chronic illness, it is easy to cast aside these three qualities.  How is it possible to have faith, when your previous approach to life is no longer feasible, there is no cure, and treatments often only have a small chance of working?   How is it possible to hope, when there appears to be only the certainty of a life so different from what you had imagined?   How is charity possible, when your own misfortune seems to be absorbing all of your strength and energy?  

But by slightly altering our perspective, we can indeed rediscover faith, hope and charity.   We can have faith that while the primary circumstances which we face in our life may not immediately change, we can slowly begin to reshape our life in a way which gives us happiness and contentment.    Hope may return as we glimpse moments of joy, thru the sunlight wafting through our bedroom window, the birds outside, the changing patterns of clouds, or a kind act from a neighbor or friend.  

And charity?   It may help to think of it not as something we "do", but rather as a feeling poured to others.   We can take the time to give a word of encouragement, to those who come into our lives, whether it be a clerk in a grocery store, a busy doctor, or even on-line friends who face similar circumstances.  

It is amazing to sit back and see who is brought into our lives, to give us the opportunity to express faith, hope and charity.   On the second day of this journey across the United States, I was testing out my new DSLR camera, and pulled over to the side of the highway, oblivious to the fact that the beautiful scenery happened to be right in the middle of a construction zone.  

A few minutes later, while driving along, content after my spree of picture taking, I see lights of a state trooper's vehicle in my rearview mirror.   Fortunately, he kindly forgave my failure to notice the work zone, and asked to look at my pictures.   As we were talking, he asked if I had a website, and I mentioned my blog.  As I was writing down the address, it turned out that his daughter had ME/CFS, and that he was very familiar with the debilitating effects of this particular chronic illness.   What are the odds?

One could say (as one friend did) that the odds were 100 million to 1.   Or perhaps we can recognize the fact that often there is more that we share as fellow human beings than that separates us.   My experience on the side of I-90 W, was that there was love of humankind on both sides of that rolled down window, and that this was possible despite or perhaps because of shared experiences.    Those moments of charity can then give us strength to hope and to have faith in the possibility of a better life, first emotionally and spiritually, and then in the end, physical improvement as well.  

Tragedy, disappointments,  uncertainties do not necessarily imply more tragedy, more disappointments, more uncertainty.   Today, on September 11th, (or rather yesterday, as I look down at my computer's clock and realize we are now in September 12th), we can reflect not only on the lives lost to our nation 13 years ago, but also on the greater charity and love of country which such a tragedy caused.   God bless the families so affected, and may God bless all who face tragedy or suffering of any kind, and may we be thankful that this day passed in peace, and for all the times of uncertainty which lead us along the path to enlightenment, to greater faith, hope and charity.  

  
 

This blog has taken a back seat to many things over the last few years, but recent events have made me consider taking up writing again.   Those in-between years have been a roller coaster, going on and off medical leave, trying to maintain my position at the university while continuing to make enough progress in my health to actually be able to work.   Finally, a few puzzle pieces are starting to fit together.

First, last fall, I had a 2 day exercise/stress test done at the Workwell Foundation in California, which is one of only two places in the world that does this for ME/CFS patients.   I paid for it on my own, researched it on my own, then got one of my ME/CFS specialists to sign off on it.   I truthfully wasn't expecting much, other than an estimate of my anaerobic threshold, which would hopefully allow me to use a heart rate monitor to pace myself, and to gradually incorporate small amounts of exercise back into my life.   But the results got sent to my primary care doctor who got very excited, and said that the test may indicate mitochondrial dysfunction.   Two specialists later, and it turns out he was right.....there does indeed appear to be mitochondrial dysfunction, secondary to the viral infections which led to ME/CFS in the first place.  

Second, this summer, despite spending 90% of my time in bed during July, I determined I would make my annual pilgrimage to Mount Shasta, California.   I have been involved in a production, the "I AM" Come Pageant, on the life of Jesus there in an outdoor amphitheater since the age of 3.   To better survive the plane trip, I used a high dose of CoQ10, plenty of electrolytes in my water, and compression stockings.   Amazingly, I found I made the trip in fairly good shape (for a person who was practically bed bound right up to making the trip!), and continued to improve during my stay in Northern California.   This was to the point that family and close friends noticed the difference, unlike the usual invisibility of changes in chronic illness.   I then succeeded in driving back cross country to Boston.   Yes, I was desperately tired by the end of the trip, but I still made it!   It was only upon crossing the border into Ohio that I noticed subtle signs of a relapse.   That relapse continued the longer I stayed in Boston, despite the good effects of CoQ10 and Mestinon -- a drug designed for myasthenia gravis patients, but one which has been used to combat the effects of POTS, postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome, something which frequently accompanies ME/CFS.  

So, now I am back on the road again.   The journey will be slower than any of my previous cross-country trips, as I attempt to discover if there are indeed places where I feel better, where the allergen load is low enough, the scenery beautiful enough, the air clear enough, the peace perceptible enough, that I can begin to make progress.   Despite my natural tendency to rush thru everything, my hope is to spend time writing and taking photos along the way, so as to be able to share my journey towards better health with you all, and hopefully in so doing, assist others in untangling their own ME/CFS puzzle.